I want a cheeseburger!

I'm hungry.
There's no getting around it.
I'm just hungry.
I want a big cheeseburger. A great big cheeseburger with extra cheese and ketchup. I would even put mayonnaise on it. But I wouldn't put mustard on it. I just want the meat.
This not eating has been really hard for me. I can't eat anything because of my stomach condition. The doctor didn't want me eating anything at all, but I am allowing myself to eat popsicles and suck on some hard candy. I am also allowing myself to drink whatever I want. I still get sick to my stomach, but I have to have a little bit of flavor.
When it comes to eating, you don't realize what you are missing until it's not there. I mean, I never figured that I'd be denied the basic function of eating. I mean, it's such a basic thing, but it's such a pivotal part of life. It's funny how much of life revolves around eating. It's something that you do when you don't know what else to do. It's something you do when you want to meet with a friend...you just get something to eat or talk over lunch. It's Easter dinner, a birthday party with cake, and popcorn at a movie.
I promised myself that if...or when (see, I'm being positive!) I eat again, I am going to allow myself to eat what I can. And I'm not going to take it for granted. I'm going to enjoy eating. I'm not going to worry about my weight. I'm going to enjoy eating and enjoy flavors. I'm going to enjoy everything I can enjoy. I don't know to what capacity my stomach will work again. Unless I receive a miraculous healing, which is what I am totally holding out for and believing in, I don't know how well it will ever work again. But when it does work and we get a solution to this stomach situation, I'm going to enjoy a cheeseburger.
I like to think and dream about food. I love to think about what I would eat if I could. Some think it's torturous to eat in front of me. It really doesn't bother me, and if it does bother me, I leave and go to the next room or remove myself when I need to. I just like to think about eating. I know it may be strange to some people, but I really like to think about pizza and fruit and Italian food...something other than popsicles and juice.
This is just a part of life, at least a major part of it right now for me. It's funny how you miss things when they are not there anymore. Even something so basic as eating. You'd think things would get easier and they will, I hope.
I know it's all going to be okay.