Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Kissed by God

Friends, I've been wanting to write and more than anything I wanted to just tell you all that I'm doing well. I'm so happy and I'm getting better. I still have hurdles that I'll share with you later. But tonight isn't that time. I know God is healing me and boy, I'm forever amazed. It's a process. He's healing more than my body. He's healing my life, a life that got to a point where I didn't know what to do. I knew God could heal. I didn't know if I had the faith to believe He would. Well, He did and is continuing to do so. Thanks to God's mercy, grace, and your prayers and faithfulness to pray and not just forget about me. Anyway, the real reason I am blogging at 4:59 a.m. is that I need to share what happened to me at church on Sunday. It was Father's Day, and I was missing my daddy in Maryland, but still extremely happy I was going to get to spend time with my father in law, who is like my second dad. It was going to be a good day. But I didn't know just how good. That morning, I was excited about church, but when I got there, I really felt the presence of the Lord. That's usual at my church (Church on the Rock Texarkana), but it was a different feeling personally. God was there for ME. Pastor Mike said something to the affect that it was Father's Day. Who better to thank then your Father, God, for all He's done. He also said that God was there to heal, and meet needs. But I was stuck on the "Thank you" he mentioned. So I felt this tug. This pull that just nearly yanked me out of my seat. The worship team began to sing this song (the one I'm attaching) called "Never Once" by Matt Redman. I bolted to the front, not scared or worried at all at the fact that it was worship and it wasn't an altar call. (I'm usually always concerned about what people think). Complete abandonment and total love seized me and I just collapsed at the front. The Words of the Song just were everything I have been feeling in my heart for God. The words were what I felt inside. They were my thank you to God. I began sobbing. Weeping like I never have wept. I just kept saying "Thank You,God." Some of the Words of the Song include: "Scars and Struggles all the way But WITH JOY our hearts can say Never ONCE did we ever walk alone Never once did YOU LEAVE US ON OUR OWN YOU ARE FAITHFUL GOD, YOU ARE FAITHFUL CARRIED BY YOUR CONSTANT GRACE HELD WITHIN YOUR PERFECT PEACE YOU ARE FAITHFUL GOD, YOU ARE FAITHFUL I just sat there at the front, worshiping. Just in awe of the God that I know personally. I felt so thankful for Him. He is so good. I've tasted and seen. I won't ever give up. I can't understand His immense love, but at that moment, it washed over me. I don't want this to sound dumb or silly. I felt at that moment like I was actaully kissed by God. Like a father kisses a daughter. Like the kiss that my dad would give me every single night when I was a little girl. That kiss of, "I love you, Ami" Nothing more. No need to say much more. Just, "I love you, child. I'm faithful and I love you, daughter. I will not EVER, EVER leave you. I'm holding your hand. Let me ALWAYS hold your heart, too. I absolutely adore you, my precious daughter. You are the apple of my eye." At that moment, I felt overwhelmed, but thankful. Thankful and overwhelmed that he loves me so much. Thankful but overwhelmed that he would and will never let me go. Those months...years of not eating, vomiting from pancreatitis, immense pain, frustration, denial and seething anger at so many people and things. My past and all that comes with it has LONG been forgiven. Now, I believe I'm healed. I've accepted this healing. The doctors have fears, reservations, and things they say that are going to be problems, but they must not know the God that loves me. They don't know all of the prayers that are prayed. Oh, please never stop praying for me. I know it's why I'm here today and so much better. Prayer works. They can't explain why this procedure that doesn't usually work has worked so well in my body. They can't explain why my diabetes is gone. They can't explain why my chronic debilitating pancreatitis isn't crippling me. But I can! I love time with God. I know this sounds weird, and at this point, I really don't care if it does...I'm truly in love with my Savior. It's kind of funny because I used to care so much what people thought about me calling God "my Father." It didn't sound reverential enough or something in my mind. But when you come to the place of total reliance on Him...When you come to the place where it's YOU and HIM and you don't know how the Bills are going to be paid or if you are going to make it through a risky surgery or if you will make it through intensive care... you just cling. You can chose to cling to anger, frustration, and pity. Or you can cling to Christ Jesus. You can cling to the nail-scarred hand that He's stretching out for you to hold. He WANTS that Father relationship, and there's nothing like it in this world. If I can pray for you, please contact me on Facebook. I want to be a prayer warrior for others, especially those who have prayed so for me. I really do. I pray for so many of you that read my blog. I want to pray for more of you. Please let me know if I can pray for you specifically and please know that I will. I'm putting a link to the song that means so much to me. I hope it blesses you today. Much love always, His Daughter Ami :)