Today I was in the grocery store.
I took my husband along, partly because I really didn't want to go alone.
Saturday at Walmart...that should say it all.
The other reason I didn't want to go alone was because I want to stay on budget. We are trying our best to stay on tight budget. Being alone in Walmart for some women (and I'm one of them) is extremely dangerous. You see, you go in there with the intentions to just get a few things, but then you spot one of 100 bins of things for 97 cent medication or candy or that $5 movie bin and you know it's almost too good to be true at that price, so you put a few in the basket. And then you discover that you really DID need a new bedspread or that extra large paper shredder because it was SUCH a good deal. And by the time you know it, your cart is full before you even get to the grocery line.
Anyway, my frustrations started early this afternoon when we began driving in our car that has an A/C problem. It doesn't get very cold, and so we pretty much were in 105 degree weather for 10 minutes until we got to Walmart. That was irritating enough.
So then we venture into a jam packed WalMart and we begin going down the aisles.People were everywhere. We put things in the buggy as we tried to stay in budget and not get irritated with each other as we scrutinized our purchases.
Anyway, as we quickly went through the crowded aisles, I began to get tired and irritable a bit.
I was mad because I like to look a fat grams and prices and my husband doesn't like to take his time. He's a rusher when it comes to any kind of shopping, as most men are!! So you can imagine my irritability level!!
What a task. I found myself kind of in a funky mood. I just wanted to get out of there.
Then all of the sudden... it hit me.
We were walking down the juice aisle and I saw a particular brand of juice. I got this feeling. This chill. My mind quickly thought back to a year ago. Last year at this time, that simple JUICE and WATER and some gross chicken BROTH was all that I could have to eat. I was feeding on my feeding tube. I was so low at that time.
And now here I am, not 4 months past surgery, already frustrated at the fact that buying food was taxing and taking time.
I was ashamed at myself. We are often SO short sighted as humans, and I was being EXTREMELY short sighted. Here God is working this miracle in my life. I can eat most things that I want. I have to be very careful, and I still have a lot of pain and troubles that I won't share right now, but I am feeling a little stronger every day. I'm having good and bad days, but I rejoice in both.
The point I'm trying to make is that we tend to be so short sighted in God's blessings. They are everywhere. I have been reading in Exodus about the children of Israel and how they saw a miracle when the Red Sea was crossed and then not long after it, they were complaining. Complaining about being hot in the desert. Complaining about being hungry and thirsty. Complaining that Moses was taking too long talking on the mountain when He was receiving the Ten Commandments.
It kind of reminded me of how I am at times. I get frustrated when I feel ill, and I forget that at least I can eat a lot of things now that I couldn't before. I often complain that my car has awful air and it's so hot. Well, at least I have a car that runs, which is a luxury to some. I look around sometimes and wish I could have a new recliner or a new computer since my laptop is broken. There are even little piddly things that I want that I'm sure with in two weeks I will have lost interest in them and won't even want bother with using. I pout because I'm on a budget and money is tight. Well, at least my husband still has a job and God is providing. This economy may be weak, but my God is strong.
Why am I so like that? Why are WE ALL like that? We forget the good, the beauty of this life. Yes, we're humans. We fail. We falter. We blow it big time. But God is there. He picks up those pieces, puts us together and sends us on our way again. But somehow, after we're whole again, we are kinda like those Lepers that didn't even say "Thank You, Jesus" when they were healed in the New Testament.
I am tired of being short sighted. I'm tired of losing focus in life. Sure, I have the prayer time and the Bible time that is so important in the Christian walk of life, but sometimes an attitude of being unsatisfied creeps in where it doesn't belong. You're so focused on other things in your spiritual walk that sometimes we forget to stop, be still, and say "Thank You, God," for all things perfect and beautiful.
We live in a world where it's almost impossible to be satisfied these days. For example, I went to get coffee at the store for my coffee maker, and there were about 30 flavors. Choosing was torture for me. I couldn't decide if I wanted Vanilla, Regular, Butter Toffee or Coconut Cream. My husband nearly went nuts waiting for me to pick out a box of coffee!!! You have choices everywhere. You can have anything and everything you want. One choice is never enough. You're never fully satisfied because you can't have it all!
I believe that satisfaction in Christ comes from within. You can't buy it. The Bible says in Isaiah 55:2/6 "Why do you spend money for what is not bread, And your wages for what does not satisfy...Seek the Lord while He may be found..."
The way to be satisfied is to be thankful. Thankful for EVERYTHING. Little things. Train yourself to see beauty everywhere, even in dark circumstances.
It's funny how our minds are. We focus on what we don't have, instead of what we do. So what...I can't eat some things. But now I can eat SOMETHING!!!!!
Being satisfied in Christ means seeing the beauty in life. Sometimes life can be ugly, but in the ugly, there is Jesus. He takes ugly and makes it beautiful. He takes a broken life and turns it into a piece of mosaic art. That's Him. That's what I feel He's doing in my life.
To sum this up, I've decided to write a list of beautiful things and I'm going to make it a practice to do every day as much as I can in one of my journals.
THE BEAUTY OF TODAY: July 21, 2012 Saturday
I got to re-pot my plants today. Watching a little root and turn into a huge Ivy plant: Beautiful!
A kiss and a smile from Kevin after getting through a day of grocery shopping: Beautiful!
Spending time in prayer with God: Beautiful!
Hearing that God answered prayers from a friend: Beautiful!
The way my dog jumps on his hind legs when he sees me come home: Beautiful!
Waking up next to the person I love: Beautiful!
Seeing Mauri, Caleb, Shellye, Stanely and Carol last night: Beautiful
Tasting some fresh cherries: Beautiful!
Talking on Skype and on the phones to friends: Beautiful.
Drinking a cup of butter toffee coffee: Beautiful!
Using a fresh bottle of wrinkle serum a friend purchased me! (I am 35): Beautiful!
My husband told me I looked gorgeous. So I must be beautiful :)
I love you all!! :)