Again I am embarrassed at the length of time It's been since I've written, and truthfully I am going to be better at writing this time around. It helps me when I write...it's therapeutic to write how I'm feeling.
It's been kind of a whirlwind week for me. I have so many emotions. Let me catch you up on the last few months if I may.
For many medical reasons I had a hysterectomy on Dec. 28th. I have had endometriosis, and a lot of female problems in the past. The doctors thought that a hysterectomy would be in my best interest. We were all nervous because my risk for infection is high because I have this connective tissue disease and a feeding tube and such. Many prayers were said, and this I know because my surgery was picture perfect. It was done laparoscopically and I didn't have to have a huge scar from surgery. That meant I had a better time healing, and things after surgery went wonderfully. I was at a hospital in Memphis, and when we got home, my mother flew in to be with me and help me. She stayed for several weeks and took wonderful care of me.
I was glad to have the hysterectomy, although truthfully, I was broken hearted at the same time. It just meant that I will never be a mother naturally. I have wanted children with Kevin for a long time, and although we knew it wasn't advisable due to my health, this just made it impossible and final. I am past the stage of feeling sorrowful about not having my own children, but I think I will always ache in my heart for a child. Mostly because I know that Kevin would be a wonderful dad.
Anyway, back to my update...
I was doing better with eating. I had my feeding tube inserted on Feb. 24th of last year with the hopes of doing better so I could get it out. The problem I have is called "Gastroparesis" which basically means that my stomach doesn't move properly so I can't digest food. So when I eat, the food just sits there at times without digesting and it makes me sick. Well, when I use my feeding tube, it basically pushes the food to my small intestine so it bypasses the stomach and I don't get sick. I say that to let you know that I had been doing better with introducing certain foods back into my diet. I was eating a few things that I could tolerate, but I was still getting very sick to my stomach again and I was taking too much anti-nausea medication, which has caused my liver enzymes to be elevated. So, the doctor has put me back to just feeding on the tube and not eating anything much by mouth. As you can imagine, this is tremendously hard for me. It's so difficult to deny yourself of something that you enjoy because it makes you sick. I struggle daily with this. I allow myself jello and crackers, but even that makes me feel bad sometimes. I just have to deal with this trial and I ask for your prayers because this is difficult. I am mulling over the idea of possibly getting a gastric pacemaker, but it's really a hard decision. What we had hoped was temporary (the feeding tube), is actually looking like a way of life that I just have to endure if I don't want to get sick all of the time. The Lord has been so good to me, and I will be okay!! I just need the prayers.
I have so much more to say, but I think I'll save it for the next post, which will be in the next day or so. I want to try to post something at least several times a week. I know I need to be writing and sharing things that the Lord lays on my heart. I want my friends and family to share with me in this journey. I want everyone to know my struggles, but my joys as well.
The greatest joy upcoming is the upcoming birth of my new nephew Benjamin who is due in March. I just can't wait to meet him.
I will talk the next time about some more of my internal struggles.
Much love to all who care enough about me to read this!!!
Love, Ami
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