More of the Same!! :)

The only thing coming to my mind right now are the words: More of the same.
That basically sums up what is going on with me.
I had my latest round of doctor’s appointments at John’s Hopkins this past week. They did repeat tests on my pancreas.
The doctor called me yesterday and said, “Well, I have good news and bad news.”
The good news is that my tumor on my pancreas is NOT growing substantially right now and it’s NOT cancerous.
The bad news is that I have severe and worsening Chronic Pancreatitis that will not go away. He thinks that eventually I will have to have a total pancreatectomy which is a removal of my pancreas. They are going to retest me in December and see where things stand.
For the past month, I had been doing a little better and eating a little. I mean, I was severely nauseous and very sick all of the time with anything I ate, but I was able to tolerate a little. But the doctors now have told me in all seriousness and candor that in order to get better and prepare in case I need to have my pancreas out that I can no longer eat ANYTHING at all. His exact words were, “These are the cards you’ve been dealt, and you have to deal with them, Ami.”
That is hard to hear.
Having a chronic illness is so hard because as he said, there is not any easy fix. They can’t just go in and fix me right now. They don’t want to do a surgery right now because I am on steroid medication, and my healing process would be compromised because of that. I need to be off of the steroids, I need to lose some weight and I need to be off all food except for tube feedings. Then they would consider the surgery. It is a MAJOR, life altering surgery. Living without a pancreas is rare and complicated. It’s not something I want to have done if I can avoid it. But the pancreatitis is worsening in severity, and unless the Lord performs a miracle, It’s something that eventually will have to happen.
The doctor said it’s really going to depend on how tolerable the pain and stuff is for me. It is quite painful.
I hate not eating. It’s hard. It’s miserable. But it’s what has to be done.
Please pray for me. I know that God is in all of this. I know that He is there and is going to bring me through all of it. I just know it. I know that He is my strength and I’m going to make it through!!! We don’t know what we are going to do about the pain pump. It’s something that I’ll face with Kevin eventually. We just need prayers.
In a nutshell, I just wanted to quick update everyone. I will write longer later. I just wanted you to know that, thankfully I don’t have pancreatic cancer. It’s all benign, but the pancreatitis is really bad and getting worse, and eventually I’m going to have to have my pancreas removed. They are going to test me around Christmas time and see where things stand. It’s up to the Lord to heal me and get me better. And I know He will!! I have to believe!!