I sit here right now in my living room. I am surrounded by books, mostly journals. I've been writing and doing some computer work and just trying to be comfortable.
Last week I had my first major setback since I got my gastric pacemaker.
For those of you who have been traveling this journey with me regarding my health, and have been praying for me, I know all of the things I mention about my health are difficult to understand and can be complicated. I know that, so for those who read on, I will try to simplify things.
I have Chronic Pancreatitis and Recently on April 3rd of this year, I got a gastric pacemaker put into my stomach to help with my motility issues. It had been 2 years since I'd eaten, and since the surgery, I've been eating again. At first, I ate bites of everything, but immediately I followed the doctors guidelines of what I could and couldn't eat.
The pancreas is a filter, and when your pancreas doesn't work right, things get out of whack, especially when you have Chronic Pancreatitis. It is very painful and distinct and when you have it, you can't usually eat because of the constant nausea and vomiting.
I had been doing very well, following my diet pretty good, except every now and then I would have a bite or two of something I would crave.
Well, Last week, I felt some terrible pains in the middle of my chest, and they are deep pains that squeeze. I felt my heart sink. Those pains are very familiar to me. They are pancreas pains.
My doctors confirmed that I was probably most likely having a mild flare of the pancreatitis that I live with. I haven't had one in a while, especially since they did Surgery at John's Hopkins. So when I have a flare of pancreatitis, basically, I can't eat for a while and then when I do eat, I am on a very strict diet of no fats and such. It's hard, but I've been through worse.
So for the past 3 days, I've had gut rest and I've been having some stomach problems that have been hard, but overall I'm feeling better today, although I haven't been very adventurous in my eating. The doctors are worried about me getting my nutrition and the right balance of what my body needs without getting dehydrated and they have even bounced around putting another tube in me for times like this when my pancreas acts up. At least then I could have my nourishment. All that will remain to be seen. I am, for now, just being monitored and I'm going to be okay.
You know, friends, I guess the thing that is the hard part for me regarding this illness, if I'm quite honest, is the unknown.
The doctors at Hopkins told me that they were sure my sugery was a success, but they were NOT sure just how long the pancreas would stay quiet or how long it would be until or IF my pancreas would act up again.
So the moment that I felt those awful pains, I got scared. I looked at my precious husband. We were sitting together and I told him how I was feeling and I could feel tears coming to my eyes. Emotions about all of the things we've been together through rushed over me. I don't like going through times of not eating. It's not even so much that as it is the way it makes me feel. The pain, the discomfort. Having had a feeding tube. I don't like the things that this disease does to my stomach. I don't like the nausea and vomiting and the other things I don't even need to mention so that you're not totally grossed out.
I just don't like it.
I've been so happy with the progress I've made since the surgery I had at Hopkins on April 3rd. But this last week has been hard because I have experienced a little setback, a little bit of a scare, but after resting and following doctors orders, I'm a little better today and I'm realizing that I have to come to terms with the unknown and that not knowing what's going to happen in the long run is okay! As long as I'm trusting in the one who knows it all!!!
I won't lie, It's hard for me because not eating is hard to do. I have to limit all fats and butters and oils. I have to not eat high fiber and many fruits and vegetables are off limits because of digestion issues. I am limited, and lately I have a real "Fear" of eating and putting something --- THE WRONG THING -- in my mouth because it could trigger a flare of pancreatitis. Lately I've been living off of Animal crackers and rice cakes because they are low in fat, but have flavor. I know I have to find things that I can really have. I'm trying to drink some protein shakes that have my vitamins, but sometimes even the fat in those bothers me and the squeezings will start.
I'm telling you these things so you will better understand and also pray for me.
Please also realize that I DO believe that God is healing me. I believe that He is working a mirracle, and no matter what I face, I won't let these setbacks, these little unknown areas of life dictate my happiness.
I keep a little charm in my pocket that says, "Live with Joy." That's all it says. It doesn't say, "Live with Joy when times are good and the sun is shining." It doesn't say "Live with Joy when you want to."
It just says "Live with Joy." That means all of the time. that means when you have setbacks. That means when the Unknown is all you know.
A beautiful friend gave me the devotional "Jesus Calling" by Sarah Young. It's a life changing book that I literally just read with such excitement every morning.
Today's devotion was so poignant. It said "When things seem to be going all wrong, stop and affirm your trust in Me. Calmly bring these matters to Me, and leave them in My capable hands..."
That's what I do with the unknown, my friends. Leave them in to the hands of the one who is capable. That is my Lord and Savior. These momentary setbacks, these temporary trials are just that...little setbacks, and if they become bigger, the same Lord and God that got me through the first round of things will get me through this next trial too.
It's okay to be down and have moments of sadness and frustration. As long as in the next breath we smile and take hold of things and ultimately live with joy!
Thank you for reading. I love you each!
Ami :)
Monday, August 6, 2012
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Being Satisfied is Beautiful!
Today I was in the grocery store.
I took my husband along, partly because I really didn't want to go alone.
Saturday at Walmart...that should say it all.
The other reason I didn't want to go alone was because I want to stay on budget. We are trying our best to stay on tight budget. Being alone in Walmart for some women (and I'm one of them) is extremely dangerous. You see, you go in there with the intentions to just get a few things, but then you spot one of 100 bins of things for 97 cent medication or candy or that $5 movie bin and you know it's almost too good to be true at that price, so you put a few in the basket. And then you discover that you really DID need a new bedspread or that extra large paper shredder because it was SUCH a good deal. And by the time you know it, your cart is full before you even get to the grocery line.
Anyway, my frustrations started early this afternoon when we began driving in our car that has an A/C problem. It doesn't get very cold, and so we pretty much were in 105 degree weather for 10 minutes until we got to Walmart. That was irritating enough.
So then we venture into a jam packed WalMart and we begin going down the aisles.People were everywhere. We put things in the buggy as we tried to stay in budget and not get irritated with each other as we scrutinized our purchases.
Anyway, as we quickly went through the crowded aisles, I began to get tired and irritable a bit.
I was mad because I like to look a fat grams and prices and my husband doesn't like to take his time. He's a rusher when it comes to any kind of shopping, as most men are!! So you can imagine my irritability level!!
What a task. I found myself kind of in a funky mood. I just wanted to get out of there.
Then all of the sudden... it hit me.
We were walking down the juice aisle and I saw a particular brand of juice. I got this feeling. This chill. My mind quickly thought back to a year ago. Last year at this time, that simple JUICE and WATER and some gross chicken BROTH was all that I could have to eat. I was feeding on my feeding tube. I was so low at that time.
And now here I am, not 4 months past surgery, already frustrated at the fact that buying food was taxing and taking time.
I was ashamed at myself. We are often SO short sighted as humans, and I was being EXTREMELY short sighted. Here God is working this miracle in my life. I can eat most things that I want. I have to be very careful, and I still have a lot of pain and troubles that I won't share right now, but I am feeling a little stronger every day. I'm having good and bad days, but I rejoice in both.
The point I'm trying to make is that we tend to be so short sighted in God's blessings. They are everywhere. I have been reading in Exodus about the children of Israel and how they saw a miracle when the Red Sea was crossed and then not long after it, they were complaining. Complaining about being hot in the desert. Complaining about being hungry and thirsty. Complaining that Moses was taking too long talking on the mountain when He was receiving the Ten Commandments.
It kind of reminded me of how I am at times. I get frustrated when I feel ill, and I forget that at least I can eat a lot of things now that I couldn't before. I often complain that my car has awful air and it's so hot. Well, at least I have a car that runs, which is a luxury to some. I look around sometimes and wish I could have a new recliner or a new computer since my laptop is broken. There are even little piddly things that I want that I'm sure with in two weeks I will have lost interest in them and won't even want bother with using. I pout because I'm on a budget and money is tight. Well, at least my husband still has a job and God is providing. This economy may be weak, but my God is strong.
Why am I so like that? Why are WE ALL like that? We forget the good, the beauty of this life. Yes, we're humans. We fail. We falter. We blow it big time. But God is there. He picks up those pieces, puts us together and sends us on our way again. But somehow, after we're whole again, we are kinda like those Lepers that didn't even say "Thank You, Jesus" when they were healed in the New Testament.
I am tired of being short sighted. I'm tired of losing focus in life. Sure, I have the prayer time and the Bible time that is so important in the Christian walk of life, but sometimes an attitude of being unsatisfied creeps in where it doesn't belong. You're so focused on other things in your spiritual walk that sometimes we forget to stop, be still, and say "Thank You, God," for all things perfect and beautiful.
We live in a world where it's almost impossible to be satisfied these days. For example, I went to get coffee at the store for my coffee maker, and there were about 30 flavors. Choosing was torture for me. I couldn't decide if I wanted Vanilla, Regular, Butter Toffee or Coconut Cream. My husband nearly went nuts waiting for me to pick out a box of coffee!!! You have choices everywhere. You can have anything and everything you want. One choice is never enough. You're never fully satisfied because you can't have it all!
I believe that satisfaction in Christ comes from within. You can't buy it. The Bible says in Isaiah 55:2/6 "Why do you spend money for what is not bread, And your wages for what does not satisfy...Seek the Lord while He may be found..."
The way to be satisfied is to be thankful. Thankful for EVERYTHING. Little things. Train yourself to see beauty everywhere, even in dark circumstances.
It's funny how our minds are. We focus on what we don't have, instead of what we do. So what...I can't eat some things. But now I can eat SOMETHING!!!!!
Being satisfied in Christ means seeing the beauty in life. Sometimes life can be ugly, but in the ugly, there is Jesus. He takes ugly and makes it beautiful. He takes a broken life and turns it into a piece of mosaic art. That's Him. That's what I feel He's doing in my life.
To sum this up, I've decided to write a list of beautiful things and I'm going to make it a practice to do every day as much as I can in one of my journals.
THE BEAUTY OF TODAY: July 21, 2012 Saturday
I got to re-pot my plants today. Watching a little root and turn into a huge Ivy plant: Beautiful!
A kiss and a smile from Kevin after getting through a day of grocery shopping: Beautiful!
Spending time in prayer with God: Beautiful!
Hearing that God answered prayers from a friend: Beautiful!
The way my dog jumps on his hind legs when he sees me come home: Beautiful!
Waking up next to the person I love: Beautiful!
Seeing Mauri, Caleb, Shellye, Stanely and Carol last night: Beautiful
Tasting some fresh cherries: Beautiful!
Talking on Skype and on the phones to friends: Beautiful.
Drinking a cup of butter toffee coffee: Beautiful!
Using a fresh bottle of wrinkle serum a friend purchased me! (I am 35): Beautiful!
My husband told me I looked gorgeous. So I must be beautiful :)
I love you all!! :)
Ami
I took my husband along, partly because I really didn't want to go alone.
Saturday at Walmart...that should say it all.
The other reason I didn't want to go alone was because I want to stay on budget. We are trying our best to stay on tight budget. Being alone in Walmart for some women (and I'm one of them) is extremely dangerous. You see, you go in there with the intentions to just get a few things, but then you spot one of 100 bins of things for 97 cent medication or candy or that $5 movie bin and you know it's almost too good to be true at that price, so you put a few in the basket. And then you discover that you really DID need a new bedspread or that extra large paper shredder because it was SUCH a good deal. And by the time you know it, your cart is full before you even get to the grocery line.
Anyway, my frustrations started early this afternoon when we began driving in our car that has an A/C problem. It doesn't get very cold, and so we pretty much were in 105 degree weather for 10 minutes until we got to Walmart. That was irritating enough.
So then we venture into a jam packed WalMart and we begin going down the aisles.People were everywhere. We put things in the buggy as we tried to stay in budget and not get irritated with each other as we scrutinized our purchases.
Anyway, as we quickly went through the crowded aisles, I began to get tired and irritable a bit.
I was mad because I like to look a fat grams and prices and my husband doesn't like to take his time. He's a rusher when it comes to any kind of shopping, as most men are!! So you can imagine my irritability level!!
What a task. I found myself kind of in a funky mood. I just wanted to get out of there.
Then all of the sudden... it hit me.
We were walking down the juice aisle and I saw a particular brand of juice. I got this feeling. This chill. My mind quickly thought back to a year ago. Last year at this time, that simple JUICE and WATER and some gross chicken BROTH was all that I could have to eat. I was feeding on my feeding tube. I was so low at that time.
And now here I am, not 4 months past surgery, already frustrated at the fact that buying food was taxing and taking time.
I was ashamed at myself. We are often SO short sighted as humans, and I was being EXTREMELY short sighted. Here God is working this miracle in my life. I can eat most things that I want. I have to be very careful, and I still have a lot of pain and troubles that I won't share right now, but I am feeling a little stronger every day. I'm having good and bad days, but I rejoice in both.
The point I'm trying to make is that we tend to be so short sighted in God's blessings. They are everywhere. I have been reading in Exodus about the children of Israel and how they saw a miracle when the Red Sea was crossed and then not long after it, they were complaining. Complaining about being hot in the desert. Complaining about being hungry and thirsty. Complaining that Moses was taking too long talking on the mountain when He was receiving the Ten Commandments.
It kind of reminded me of how I am at times. I get frustrated when I feel ill, and I forget that at least I can eat a lot of things now that I couldn't before. I often complain that my car has awful air and it's so hot. Well, at least I have a car that runs, which is a luxury to some. I look around sometimes and wish I could have a new recliner or a new computer since my laptop is broken. There are even little piddly things that I want that I'm sure with in two weeks I will have lost interest in them and won't even want bother with using. I pout because I'm on a budget and money is tight. Well, at least my husband still has a job and God is providing. This economy may be weak, but my God is strong.
Why am I so like that? Why are WE ALL like that? We forget the good, the beauty of this life. Yes, we're humans. We fail. We falter. We blow it big time. But God is there. He picks up those pieces, puts us together and sends us on our way again. But somehow, after we're whole again, we are kinda like those Lepers that didn't even say "Thank You, Jesus" when they were healed in the New Testament.
I am tired of being short sighted. I'm tired of losing focus in life. Sure, I have the prayer time and the Bible time that is so important in the Christian walk of life, but sometimes an attitude of being unsatisfied creeps in where it doesn't belong. You're so focused on other things in your spiritual walk that sometimes we forget to stop, be still, and say "Thank You, God," for all things perfect and beautiful.
We live in a world where it's almost impossible to be satisfied these days. For example, I went to get coffee at the store for my coffee maker, and there were about 30 flavors. Choosing was torture for me. I couldn't decide if I wanted Vanilla, Regular, Butter Toffee or Coconut Cream. My husband nearly went nuts waiting for me to pick out a box of coffee!!! You have choices everywhere. You can have anything and everything you want. One choice is never enough. You're never fully satisfied because you can't have it all!
I believe that satisfaction in Christ comes from within. You can't buy it. The Bible says in Isaiah 55:2/6 "Why do you spend money for what is not bread, And your wages for what does not satisfy...Seek the Lord while He may be found..."
The way to be satisfied is to be thankful. Thankful for EVERYTHING. Little things. Train yourself to see beauty everywhere, even in dark circumstances.
It's funny how our minds are. We focus on what we don't have, instead of what we do. So what...I can't eat some things. But now I can eat SOMETHING!!!!!
Being satisfied in Christ means seeing the beauty in life. Sometimes life can be ugly, but in the ugly, there is Jesus. He takes ugly and makes it beautiful. He takes a broken life and turns it into a piece of mosaic art. That's Him. That's what I feel He's doing in my life.
To sum this up, I've decided to write a list of beautiful things and I'm going to make it a practice to do every day as much as I can in one of my journals.
THE BEAUTY OF TODAY: July 21, 2012 Saturday
I got to re-pot my plants today. Watching a little root and turn into a huge Ivy plant: Beautiful!
A kiss and a smile from Kevin after getting through a day of grocery shopping: Beautiful!
Spending time in prayer with God: Beautiful!
Hearing that God answered prayers from a friend: Beautiful!
The way my dog jumps on his hind legs when he sees me come home: Beautiful!
Waking up next to the person I love: Beautiful!
Seeing Mauri, Caleb, Shellye, Stanely and Carol last night: Beautiful
Tasting some fresh cherries: Beautiful!
Talking on Skype and on the phones to friends: Beautiful.
Drinking a cup of butter toffee coffee: Beautiful!
Using a fresh bottle of wrinkle serum a friend purchased me! (I am 35): Beautiful!
My husband told me I looked gorgeous. So I must be beautiful :)
I love you all!! :)
Ami
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
Kissed by God
Friends,
I've been wanting to write and more than anything I wanted to just tell you all that I'm doing well. I'm so happy and I'm getting better. I still have hurdles that I'll share with you later. But tonight isn't that time.
I know God is healing me and boy, I'm forever amazed. It's a process. He's healing more than my body. He's healing my life, a life that got to a point where I didn't know what to do. I knew God could heal. I didn't know if I had the faith to believe He would.
Well, He did and is continuing to do so. Thanks to God's mercy, grace, and your prayers and faithfulness to pray and not just forget about me.
Anyway, the real reason I am blogging at 4:59 a.m. is that I need to share what happened to me at church on Sunday.
It was Father's Day, and I was missing my daddy in Maryland, but still extremely happy I was going to get to spend time with my father in law, who is like my second dad. It was going to be a good day.
But I didn't know just how good.
That morning, I was excited about church, but when I got there, I really felt the presence of the Lord. That's usual at my church (Church on the Rock Texarkana), but it was a different feeling personally. God was there for ME.
Pastor Mike said something to the affect that it was Father's Day. Who better to thank then your Father, God, for all He's done. He also said that God was there to heal, and meet needs. But I was stuck on the "Thank you" he mentioned.
So I felt this tug. This pull that just nearly yanked me out of my seat. The worship team began to sing this song (the one I'm attaching) called "Never Once" by Matt Redman.
I bolted to the front, not scared or worried at all at the fact that it was worship and it wasn't an altar call. (I'm usually always concerned about what people think). Complete abandonment and total love seized me and I just collapsed at the front.
The Words of the Song just were everything I have been feeling in my heart for God. The words were what I felt inside.
They were my thank you to God.
I began sobbing. Weeping like I never have wept. I just kept saying "Thank You,God."
Some of the Words of the Song include:
"Scars and Struggles all the way
But WITH JOY our hearts can say
Never ONCE did we ever walk alone
Never once did YOU LEAVE US ON OUR OWN
YOU ARE FAITHFUL
GOD, YOU ARE FAITHFUL
CARRIED BY YOUR CONSTANT GRACE
HELD WITHIN YOUR PERFECT PEACE
YOU ARE FAITHFUL
GOD, YOU ARE FAITHFUL
I just sat there at the front, worshiping. Just in awe of the God that I know personally.
I felt so thankful for Him. He is so good. I've tasted and seen. I won't ever give up. I can't understand His immense love, but at that moment, it washed over me. I don't want this to sound dumb or silly. I felt at that moment like I was actaully kissed by God. Like a father kisses a daughter. Like the kiss that my dad would give me every single night when I was a little girl. That kiss of, "I love you, Ami" Nothing more. No need to say much more. Just, "I love you, child. I'm faithful and I love you, daughter. I will not EVER, EVER leave you. I'm holding your hand. Let me ALWAYS hold your heart, too. I absolutely adore you, my precious daughter. You are the apple of my eye."
At that moment, I felt overwhelmed, but thankful.
Thankful and overwhelmed that he loves me so much.
Thankful but overwhelmed that he would and will never let me go.
Those months...years of not eating, vomiting from pancreatitis, immense pain, frustration, denial and seething anger at so many people and things.
My past and all that comes with it has LONG been forgiven.
Now, I believe I'm healed. I've accepted this healing. The doctors have fears, reservations, and things they say that are going to be problems, but they must not know the God that loves me. They don't know all of the prayers that are prayed. Oh, please never stop praying for me. I know it's why I'm here today and so much better. Prayer works. They can't explain why this procedure that doesn't usually work has worked so well in my body. They can't explain why my diabetes is gone. They can't explain why my chronic debilitating pancreatitis isn't crippling me.
But I can!
I love time with God.
I know this sounds weird, and at this point, I really don't care if it does...I'm truly in love with my Savior.
It's kind of funny because I used to care so much what people thought about me calling God "my Father." It didn't sound reverential enough or something in my mind. But when you come to the place of total reliance on Him...When you come to the place where it's YOU and HIM and you don't know how the Bills are going to be paid or if you are going to make it through a risky surgery or if you will make it through intensive care... you just cling. You can chose to cling to anger, frustration, and pity. Or you can cling to Christ Jesus. You can cling to the nail-scarred hand that He's stretching out for you to hold. He WANTS that Father relationship, and there's nothing like it in this world.
If I can pray for you, please contact me on Facebook. I want to be a prayer warrior for others, especially those who have prayed so for me. I really do. I pray for so many of you that read my blog. I want to pray for more of you. Please let me know if I can pray for you specifically and please know that I will.
I'm putting a link to the song that means so much to me. I hope it blesses you today.
Much love always,
His Daughter Ami :)
Monday, April 16, 2012
Answered Prayers
Dear Friends and Family,
I wanted to write a small blog to say Thank you For your prayers.
I am home, resting comfortably after a rather big surgery at John’s Hopkins on April 3rd.
The doctors put in a gastric pacemaker, which is not an FDA approved device. It’s something they do in patients of last resort. They thought it would help me be able to eat something. It had been about 2 years since I’d eaten normally. I have a 6 inch vertical incision right at the top of my abdomen and another five inch incision on the left lower abdomen. They are both sore.
Well, I had the surgery and after the surgery I experienced a lot of immense pain and nausea and was a bit discouraged as I couldn’t really eat anything. Well, finally after about a week of surgery, I tried a little bit of jello and it stayed down
Well, the day they let me out of the hospital, the doctor told me to try to eat whatever I wanted…just take it slow. . We were nervous, but the doctor told me to give it a chance and try what I could. So I did.
On the way home from Hopkins, Dad stopped and got me my favorite snack. I ate my favorite Rita’s Custard, and for the first time in years, I wasn’t sick. I couldn’t believe it. I cried.
Then later on the next day, I didn’t feel any nausea, which was so weird. I have lived with debilitating and chronic nausea for years. I have lived where smells would make me vomit, and for the first time, I didn’t feel that way.
So mom made me some creamy crab soup…just what the doctor said I could have, and I tried it. I had it and I didn’t get sick. I didn’t even get one bit nauseated! I cried again! I couldn’t believe it!
To top that, the next day, my parents asked what the one thing I wanted was. It was a McDonald’s McDouble Cheeseburger. That’s what I have been craving. Well, I tried it. I chewed each bite 30 times like the doctor told me to. And I didn’t get nauseated. I just cried and cried.
So far this operation has been a complete success.
I have 2 large scars, and one of them is bleeding badly. I still have the PICC/Central line in to make sure my nutrition is okay, but I think that I will be able to get that out once my body is a little stronger.
The doctors are still scared a bit, as am I, because I do still have chronic pancreatitis. Pancreatitis occurs when people with chronic pancreatitis eat. If I start eating again, I have a higher chance to have my chronic pancreatitis flare up again. We are scared of this, but we aren’t too scared, because we have the best doctors and the best family of care at John’s Hopkins University Hospital. We also obviously have a Great God and Healer.
I have always believed that God could and would heal me. I believe He is doing that in His time. I have never lost faith in Him. It just keeps growing stronger. I’m just SO Thankful for my pastors in Texas who have never quit praying for my healing, and for my pastor here in Maryland and his wife who have always prayed for me too. My grandfather Kelso, also, as well as all of the many people who have believed in my healing for years. I know that the Lord is working a miracle and I’m not discouraged or worried about what could happen, even though the doctors have mentioned the possibilities. I believe that God has my future in HIS hands. I am not worried about what I can’t control. I leave it all up to God. He’s got me this far!!!
Through this, I have been able to witness to many nurses and the doctors and I am so blessed to have been through this process. I can truly say that God is healing me and I can see how persistence, prayer, and His faithfulness is working a miracle…a true miracle in my life.
I still face a lot of pain and I will have to face the unknown future with pancreatitis but God is so good. He has allowed me to taste food again, and when I was told there was no hope, God never gave up and your prayers are what broke through.
I always promised God that no matter what happened, I would serve him. I still am going to do that. I’m still going to serve Him no matter what. No matter what I walk through…good or bad, happy or sad. I am so happy that God is the Lord of my life. I have never given up and never will. No matter what battles I continue to face or what victories the Lord decides to bless me with. He is the true God. The one that is in control. I can’t wait to use my life to serve Him more.
I personally thank each one of you who are reading this. If you have taken the time to read through this, that means you are someone that loves and cares for me and has said a prayer for me and that means more to me than you could ever know. I love you for your faithfulness, and I hope you know that I am praying for you. I keep a prayer journal with all of your names in my journal and I pray for God to bless you. I spend time in prayer, and if there is ever anything that I can pray for in your life, I promise to do so with all of my heart.
Please continue to pray that things work out correctly In my body. I have a lot of metal and devices that need to keep working correctly. I am so thankful for technology. It’s pretty neat. It’s nerve wracking to think about and easy to worry about but just pray that I can get home soon to Texas and that everything will be an easy transition.
In addition, I want to thank 3 people. First of all, my mom and dad. They are my heroes. They have been with me through this from the moment I came here hopeless, and the many trips to Baltimore and stays in the hospital and visits with the doctors. I thank my parents for being what every child wants a parent to be. Someone that sticks by them and that holds them when they’re sick, no matter if they’re 6 or 36. My parents visited me in the hospital, stayed with me overnight when I had surgery, walked with me through the hallway and took care of me, even though I’m their 36 year old child. The third person I thank is my husband Kevin. It has literally killed him to not be here during my surgery time. But he has been there every step of the way, through phone calls and talking to me and to my parents. Kevin is my angel and our story is a real story of true love and what it means to stick by each other when times get tough and life doesn’t turn out how you plan.
My life is sweeter than it’s ever been, and I tell you this just as sure as I sit here today. I am thankful, so thankful, for the fact that the Lord has answered your prayers and has shined this blessing upon me. And I promise that no matter what happens in the future, whether He continues to bless, or if I have to face more, I will always serve Him because Life is nothing without Him. There are no blessings without Jesus in our lives. I am so blessed, but only because He is the helm of my life.
Thank you…each and every one of you who have said a prayer in my life. Thanks to the doctors at John’s Hopkins who are filled with nothing but love and compassion.
Thanks to my parents, sisters and Kevin and my family in Texas who love me more than anything.
And thanks be To God who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ! I love you all!
In Him,
Ami McCarty
I wanted to write a small blog to say Thank you For your prayers.
I am home, resting comfortably after a rather big surgery at John’s Hopkins on April 3rd.
The doctors put in a gastric pacemaker, which is not an FDA approved device. It’s something they do in patients of last resort. They thought it would help me be able to eat something. It had been about 2 years since I’d eaten normally. I have a 6 inch vertical incision right at the top of my abdomen and another five inch incision on the left lower abdomen. They are both sore.
Well, I had the surgery and after the surgery I experienced a lot of immense pain and nausea and was a bit discouraged as I couldn’t really eat anything. Well, finally after about a week of surgery, I tried a little bit of jello and it stayed down
Well, the day they let me out of the hospital, the doctor told me to try to eat whatever I wanted…just take it slow. . We were nervous, but the doctor told me to give it a chance and try what I could. So I did.
On the way home from Hopkins, Dad stopped and got me my favorite snack. I ate my favorite Rita’s Custard, and for the first time in years, I wasn’t sick. I couldn’t believe it. I cried.
Then later on the next day, I didn’t feel any nausea, which was so weird. I have lived with debilitating and chronic nausea for years. I have lived where smells would make me vomit, and for the first time, I didn’t feel that way.
So mom made me some creamy crab soup…just what the doctor said I could have, and I tried it. I had it and I didn’t get sick. I didn’t even get one bit nauseated! I cried again! I couldn’t believe it!
To top that, the next day, my parents asked what the one thing I wanted was. It was a McDonald’s McDouble Cheeseburger. That’s what I have been craving. Well, I tried it. I chewed each bite 30 times like the doctor told me to. And I didn’t get nauseated. I just cried and cried.
So far this operation has been a complete success.
I have 2 large scars, and one of them is bleeding badly. I still have the PICC/Central line in to make sure my nutrition is okay, but I think that I will be able to get that out once my body is a little stronger.
The doctors are still scared a bit, as am I, because I do still have chronic pancreatitis. Pancreatitis occurs when people with chronic pancreatitis eat. If I start eating again, I have a higher chance to have my chronic pancreatitis flare up again. We are scared of this, but we aren’t too scared, because we have the best doctors and the best family of care at John’s Hopkins University Hospital. We also obviously have a Great God and Healer.
I have always believed that God could and would heal me. I believe He is doing that in His time. I have never lost faith in Him. It just keeps growing stronger. I’m just SO Thankful for my pastors in Texas who have never quit praying for my healing, and for my pastor here in Maryland and his wife who have always prayed for me too. My grandfather Kelso, also, as well as all of the many people who have believed in my healing for years. I know that the Lord is working a miracle and I’m not discouraged or worried about what could happen, even though the doctors have mentioned the possibilities. I believe that God has my future in HIS hands. I am not worried about what I can’t control. I leave it all up to God. He’s got me this far!!!
Through this, I have been able to witness to many nurses and the doctors and I am so blessed to have been through this process. I can truly say that God is healing me and I can see how persistence, prayer, and His faithfulness is working a miracle…a true miracle in my life.
I still face a lot of pain and I will have to face the unknown future with pancreatitis but God is so good. He has allowed me to taste food again, and when I was told there was no hope, God never gave up and your prayers are what broke through.
I always promised God that no matter what happened, I would serve him. I still am going to do that. I’m still going to serve Him no matter what. No matter what I walk through…good or bad, happy or sad. I am so happy that God is the Lord of my life. I have never given up and never will. No matter what battles I continue to face or what victories the Lord decides to bless me with. He is the true God. The one that is in control. I can’t wait to use my life to serve Him more.
I personally thank each one of you who are reading this. If you have taken the time to read through this, that means you are someone that loves and cares for me and has said a prayer for me and that means more to me than you could ever know. I love you for your faithfulness, and I hope you know that I am praying for you. I keep a prayer journal with all of your names in my journal and I pray for God to bless you. I spend time in prayer, and if there is ever anything that I can pray for in your life, I promise to do so with all of my heart.
Please continue to pray that things work out correctly In my body. I have a lot of metal and devices that need to keep working correctly. I am so thankful for technology. It’s pretty neat. It’s nerve wracking to think about and easy to worry about but just pray that I can get home soon to Texas and that everything will be an easy transition.
In addition, I want to thank 3 people. First of all, my mom and dad. They are my heroes. They have been with me through this from the moment I came here hopeless, and the many trips to Baltimore and stays in the hospital and visits with the doctors. I thank my parents for being what every child wants a parent to be. Someone that sticks by them and that holds them when they’re sick, no matter if they’re 6 or 36. My parents visited me in the hospital, stayed with me overnight when I had surgery, walked with me through the hallway and took care of me, even though I’m their 36 year old child. The third person I thank is my husband Kevin. It has literally killed him to not be here during my surgery time. But he has been there every step of the way, through phone calls and talking to me and to my parents. Kevin is my angel and our story is a real story of true love and what it means to stick by each other when times get tough and life doesn’t turn out how you plan.
My life is sweeter than it’s ever been, and I tell you this just as sure as I sit here today. I am thankful, so thankful, for the fact that the Lord has answered your prayers and has shined this blessing upon me. And I promise that no matter what happens in the future, whether He continues to bless, or if I have to face more, I will always serve Him because Life is nothing without Him. There are no blessings without Jesus in our lives. I am so blessed, but only because He is the helm of my life.
Thank you…each and every one of you who have said a prayer in my life. Thanks to the doctors at John’s Hopkins who are filled with nothing but love and compassion.
Thanks to my parents, sisters and Kevin and my family in Texas who love me more than anything.
And thanks be To God who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ! I love you all!
In Him,
Ami McCarty
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Update before Surgery Tuesday!
Dearest Friends and Family,
I wanted to write a quick little blog to update you on things going on in my life and to remind you to pray for me on Tuesday, which is my surgery date.
I go to Johns Hopkins on Tuesday at 5:30 a.m. and my surgery is scheduled for 10:30 a.m. I am pretty nervous because I am going to have a gastric pacemaker put into my stomach. I will be spending several days in the hospital after the surgery.
The doctors believe that the gastric pacemaker will help me with the nausea, vomiting and pain. They aren’t very hopeful that I’ll be able to eat normally again or at least for a while because I still have the problem with the pancreas.
To make a complicated situation understandable, I basically have 2 problems --- one with my stomach and one with my pancreas. The doctors at Hopkins are taking them one at a time, and they’re going to address the stomach first. They are doing this pacemaker surgery and then they’re going to assess the situation. They want to get me to the point that I’m eating but my situation is more complicated than just a one step process. They may have to fix multiple problems in the process.
So we’re trying the pacemaker first and we’re going to see what happens from there.
Right now I am being fed through my veins. My feeding tube had gotten infected so they had to go in and pull it out and give me a PICC line, and nurses come to my home once a week and help take care of me. I am doing fine and will have this line for up to a year so they can continue to feed me while they’re trying to get my issues taken care of.
I am nauseated all of the time and in constant pain, so I’m hopeful that this pacemaker will work for that. As for eating, I’m not sure when or if that’s going to be addressed right now. It’s one thing at a time, and we’re focusing on getting rid of the vomiting and constant nausea and pain with the pacemaker. So please pray for me.
I’m also really struggling with missing Kevin. He has been so kind to support me while I am needing the treatment at Hopkins. My parents have been so wonderful to let me stay with them and they take care of me so well. I love my parents so much. They are wonderful to me, but I am missing my husband so much. He is the light of my life and I’ve only gotten to see him one time since February. I am hoping Kevin can come back here in a few weeks, but the tickets are so expensive right now. Things are so up in the air right now. I’m not sure when I’ll get to go home or if I’ll need to return home and then come back here for more surgery or not. It all depends on how this surgery goes. I miss Kevin but I’m so thankful I have him in my life. I am so blessed with such love.
Thank you for reading this. I know it’s all complicated but I’ve tried to simplify it as much as possible. Thank you so much for the prayers. I know they make a difference. I also pray a lot myself, and I try to pray for my friends, too. If there is anything I can pray for you, please let me know through an email or facebook message, and I will pray for you. I really mean it. There is nothing I’d rather do than pray for my family and friends!
I love you and thank you for loving me and praying for me.
Say prayers Tuesday and I’ll be updating you!
Ami
I wanted to write a quick little blog to update you on things going on in my life and to remind you to pray for me on Tuesday, which is my surgery date.
I go to Johns Hopkins on Tuesday at 5:30 a.m. and my surgery is scheduled for 10:30 a.m. I am pretty nervous because I am going to have a gastric pacemaker put into my stomach. I will be spending several days in the hospital after the surgery.
The doctors believe that the gastric pacemaker will help me with the nausea, vomiting and pain. They aren’t very hopeful that I’ll be able to eat normally again or at least for a while because I still have the problem with the pancreas.
To make a complicated situation understandable, I basically have 2 problems --- one with my stomach and one with my pancreas. The doctors at Hopkins are taking them one at a time, and they’re going to address the stomach first. They are doing this pacemaker surgery and then they’re going to assess the situation. They want to get me to the point that I’m eating but my situation is more complicated than just a one step process. They may have to fix multiple problems in the process.
So we’re trying the pacemaker first and we’re going to see what happens from there.
Right now I am being fed through my veins. My feeding tube had gotten infected so they had to go in and pull it out and give me a PICC line, and nurses come to my home once a week and help take care of me. I am doing fine and will have this line for up to a year so they can continue to feed me while they’re trying to get my issues taken care of.
I am nauseated all of the time and in constant pain, so I’m hopeful that this pacemaker will work for that. As for eating, I’m not sure when or if that’s going to be addressed right now. It’s one thing at a time, and we’re focusing on getting rid of the vomiting and constant nausea and pain with the pacemaker. So please pray for me.
I’m also really struggling with missing Kevin. He has been so kind to support me while I am needing the treatment at Hopkins. My parents have been so wonderful to let me stay with them and they take care of me so well. I love my parents so much. They are wonderful to me, but I am missing my husband so much. He is the light of my life and I’ve only gotten to see him one time since February. I am hoping Kevin can come back here in a few weeks, but the tickets are so expensive right now. Things are so up in the air right now. I’m not sure when I’ll get to go home or if I’ll need to return home and then come back here for more surgery or not. It all depends on how this surgery goes. I miss Kevin but I’m so thankful I have him in my life. I am so blessed with such love.
Thank you for reading this. I know it’s all complicated but I’ve tried to simplify it as much as possible. Thank you so much for the prayers. I know they make a difference. I also pray a lot myself, and I try to pray for my friends, too. If there is anything I can pray for you, please let me know through an email or facebook message, and I will pray for you. I really mean it. There is nothing I’d rather do than pray for my family and friends!
I love you and thank you for loving me and praying for me.
Say prayers Tuesday and I’ll be updating you!
Ami
Saturday, March 10, 2012
The Latest 3/11
Dearest Friends and Family,
I wanted to let you know basically what is going on and what will be happening with me for the next few days and weeks.
I am going to be admitted to John’s Hopkins on Monday 3/13. They are taking out my feeding tube (J Tube), because it was infected. Apparently, once you get an infection inside of the tube, It doesn’t clear up and you have to get it out and let it heal before you put another tube in.
They are going to take out the old feeding tube and put in a central line which is like a temporary port going through your chest. I will be able to get fed by an IV to my chest until April 3, which is the date for my surgery. Home health will have to come every day to administer the food and make sure things are sterile and that I’m okay. I will pretty much be homebound from now until April 3rd.
Of course, Things may change (as they always seem to with me!) but for now, I am scheduled to have the pacemaker surgery on April 3rd. They are planning to put in a pacemaker to see if that will help my stomach move and improve the nausea. If it does, then they’ll count it a success, and I may try eating something small. But they are still afraid that my pancreas is going to flare because I have chronic pancreatitis. They are not sure if, when I eat again, it will resurface. If it does, or if the pacemaker is NOT successful, they will do a surgery to take out most of my stomach and pancreas. They want to try the least invasive first, and then move on to more riskier surgeries if need be. They are not going to let me go home; however, until my issues are resolved.
I know and have a peace that I am in the right place. It’s just going to be hard for the next 8 weeks to 2 months or more. Please just pray for me that God will work His will and way and that things will work how they are supposed to according to His plan!
Kevin has been here in town visiting and we were able to go to the National Harbor in Maryland, nearby Washington, D.C. and Alexandria, Va. It was beautiful and breathtaking, and a wonderful time together. I loved every minute of my time with my husband. These next few days in the hospital will be hard, but I will have God holding my hand and my husband’s hand there too. Not to mention, the prayers from my family and friends.
I also feel so badly for my parents and family. They are all pitching in to take care of me…my mom and dad as well as Cherie and Betsy. Darla is in the hospital herself very pregnant with twins, so you can imagine how all of this news is affecting mom and dad. I know they are worried for both of their daughters, and they have their own struggles. It’s hard for me to not feel guilty for putting so much responsibility on them. I know they love me and are so thankful I am here, but it still is difficult, nevertheless!
Thank you for praying for me! My prayer is that I will live with all joy because I know that ALL things work together for Good to those who love God! And I do love God!
And I love you all.
Keep praying and don’t stop.
GOD IS SO GOOD!!!
I wanted to let you know basically what is going on and what will be happening with me for the next few days and weeks.
I am going to be admitted to John’s Hopkins on Monday 3/13. They are taking out my feeding tube (J Tube), because it was infected. Apparently, once you get an infection inside of the tube, It doesn’t clear up and you have to get it out and let it heal before you put another tube in.
They are going to take out the old feeding tube and put in a central line which is like a temporary port going through your chest. I will be able to get fed by an IV to my chest until April 3, which is the date for my surgery. Home health will have to come every day to administer the food and make sure things are sterile and that I’m okay. I will pretty much be homebound from now until April 3rd.
Of course, Things may change (as they always seem to with me!) but for now, I am scheduled to have the pacemaker surgery on April 3rd. They are planning to put in a pacemaker to see if that will help my stomach move and improve the nausea. If it does, then they’ll count it a success, and I may try eating something small. But they are still afraid that my pancreas is going to flare because I have chronic pancreatitis. They are not sure if, when I eat again, it will resurface. If it does, or if the pacemaker is NOT successful, they will do a surgery to take out most of my stomach and pancreas. They want to try the least invasive first, and then move on to more riskier surgeries if need be. They are not going to let me go home; however, until my issues are resolved.
I know and have a peace that I am in the right place. It’s just going to be hard for the next 8 weeks to 2 months or more. Please just pray for me that God will work His will and way and that things will work how they are supposed to according to His plan!
Kevin has been here in town visiting and we were able to go to the National Harbor in Maryland, nearby Washington, D.C. and Alexandria, Va. It was beautiful and breathtaking, and a wonderful time together. I loved every minute of my time with my husband. These next few days in the hospital will be hard, but I will have God holding my hand and my husband’s hand there too. Not to mention, the prayers from my family and friends.
I also feel so badly for my parents and family. They are all pitching in to take care of me…my mom and dad as well as Cherie and Betsy. Darla is in the hospital herself very pregnant with twins, so you can imagine how all of this news is affecting mom and dad. I know they are worried for both of their daughters, and they have their own struggles. It’s hard for me to not feel guilty for putting so much responsibility on them. I know they love me and are so thankful I am here, but it still is difficult, nevertheless!
Thank you for praying for me! My prayer is that I will live with all joy because I know that ALL things work together for Good to those who love God! And I do love God!
And I love you all.
Keep praying and don’t stop.
GOD IS SO GOOD!!!
Saturday, March 3, 2012
Short Update 3/4
Well everyone!
I thought that I would write a quick blog. I can’t sleep tonight, so I have decided to write a little blog to keep you updated on my progress while I’m here in Maryland. This is very abbreviated. My condition, as most of you know, is very complicated, and to those who want to know more, I am always happy to tell you. This is just the basics of what I’ve learned thus far, and what I am getting ready to face at the doctors during the next week or two!!!
I’m actually getting very excited. I only have 4 more days until Kevin comes to Maryland for a week’s visit with me! I am really thrilled to see my sweetheart after a month of missing him.
As everyone knows, I haven’t been eating at all. I can drink some liquids but that’s pretty much it. I will sip a milk shake now and then, but I pretty much stick to my tube feedings. That’s the only way that I can guarantee control of the nausea, vomiting, pain and bouts of pancreatitis.
After much consideration, Kevin and I decided that I would stay here in Maryland and seek treatment for my complicated conditions at John’s Hopkins Hospital, thanks to my parents who are graciously housing me while I’m here getting help. I want to get “fixed” once and for all, so I can try to have a more normal life. I want to get to the point that instead of seeing my doctors at Hopkins every month or two, I can come here to see them every year or two! I want to get back to my life in Texas. I have felt in limbo for some time.
We had some preliminary visits with the doctors in February and, the first procedure I had done on Feb. 17th was the Endoscopy where they looked down my throat and put Botox in my stomach, which would help my stomach muscles. The doctor didn’t know if it would help or not, but it was something they hadn’t tried. They said I’d see results in 1 to 5 weeks. I haven’t noticed anything yet, but we’re not counting it a loss yet!
Last week I actually had a little setback. I have an infection at my feeding tube site and the doctors admitted me to the hospital so that I could get IV antibiotics. The site is still bothersome and will be sore, but the infection is getting better and I’m still taking medicine. I was in the hospital for 4 days, and you can bet I was glad to get home, although I had great care and God is always so good to me. I want to be a light for Him wherever I go.
Anyway, I had an appointment with a specialist about a week or so ago, and he said that the next step is for me to have a Gastric Pacemaker put into my stomach. What it may do is make my stomach motile again. He told me that I have a 50/50 chance of this procedure working. If that doesn’t work, then they will remove 75% of my stomach and resection it off in the hopes that it may work somewhat again.
Hopefully the first procedure will work. If not, I may be here for an even longer stay because the second surgery is more invasive and complicated.
We don’t know what else the doctors are considering yet. Truthfully, They don’t have hopes that I’ll ever eat normally again, but at this point, I’m okay with having some bites of food!! I am clinging to that hope.
I go to the doctor’s office on Tuesday and I’m actually hoping to get a surgery date nailed down for the first pacemaker surgery also this week. Once I do know more specifics, I will share them with you all!
Thank you for your prayers for me AND for Kevin. He appreciates them from each and every one of you who have lifted his name in prayer to God. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. God is listening, God is hearing, and surrounds me so many times with love and comfort I know is only from Him and I KNOW that feeling I feel is from the prayers being said by others on my behalf. Thank you so much for those prayers you all pray for me and Kevin!
Please pray for my husband to have a safe trip here and that this week will a productive one where the right decisions for my health will be made.
In a letter soon, I would like to share how God has used this illness in my life to really bring me closer to Him and to others. I will share that soon. I just wanted to update everyone really quickly tonight!
Thank you again for your love and friendship!
Love,
Ami
I thought that I would write a quick blog. I can’t sleep tonight, so I have decided to write a little blog to keep you updated on my progress while I’m here in Maryland. This is very abbreviated. My condition, as most of you know, is very complicated, and to those who want to know more, I am always happy to tell you. This is just the basics of what I’ve learned thus far, and what I am getting ready to face at the doctors during the next week or two!!!
I’m actually getting very excited. I only have 4 more days until Kevin comes to Maryland for a week’s visit with me! I am really thrilled to see my sweetheart after a month of missing him.
As everyone knows, I haven’t been eating at all. I can drink some liquids but that’s pretty much it. I will sip a milk shake now and then, but I pretty much stick to my tube feedings. That’s the only way that I can guarantee control of the nausea, vomiting, pain and bouts of pancreatitis.
After much consideration, Kevin and I decided that I would stay here in Maryland and seek treatment for my complicated conditions at John’s Hopkins Hospital, thanks to my parents who are graciously housing me while I’m here getting help. I want to get “fixed” once and for all, so I can try to have a more normal life. I want to get to the point that instead of seeing my doctors at Hopkins every month or two, I can come here to see them every year or two! I want to get back to my life in Texas. I have felt in limbo for some time.
We had some preliminary visits with the doctors in February and, the first procedure I had done on Feb. 17th was the Endoscopy where they looked down my throat and put Botox in my stomach, which would help my stomach muscles. The doctor didn’t know if it would help or not, but it was something they hadn’t tried. They said I’d see results in 1 to 5 weeks. I haven’t noticed anything yet, but we’re not counting it a loss yet!
Last week I actually had a little setback. I have an infection at my feeding tube site and the doctors admitted me to the hospital so that I could get IV antibiotics. The site is still bothersome and will be sore, but the infection is getting better and I’m still taking medicine. I was in the hospital for 4 days, and you can bet I was glad to get home, although I had great care and God is always so good to me. I want to be a light for Him wherever I go.
Anyway, I had an appointment with a specialist about a week or so ago, and he said that the next step is for me to have a Gastric Pacemaker put into my stomach. What it may do is make my stomach motile again. He told me that I have a 50/50 chance of this procedure working. If that doesn’t work, then they will remove 75% of my stomach and resection it off in the hopes that it may work somewhat again.
Hopefully the first procedure will work. If not, I may be here for an even longer stay because the second surgery is more invasive and complicated.
We don’t know what else the doctors are considering yet. Truthfully, They don’t have hopes that I’ll ever eat normally again, but at this point, I’m okay with having some bites of food!! I am clinging to that hope.
I go to the doctor’s office on Tuesday and I’m actually hoping to get a surgery date nailed down for the first pacemaker surgery also this week. Once I do know more specifics, I will share them with you all!
Thank you for your prayers for me AND for Kevin. He appreciates them from each and every one of you who have lifted his name in prayer to God. Thank you from the bottom of our hearts. God is listening, God is hearing, and surrounds me so many times with love and comfort I know is only from Him and I KNOW that feeling I feel is from the prayers being said by others on my behalf. Thank you so much for those prayers you all pray for me and Kevin!
Please pray for my husband to have a safe trip here and that this week will a productive one where the right decisions for my health will be made.
In a letter soon, I would like to share how God has used this illness in my life to really bring me closer to Him and to others. I will share that soon. I just wanted to update everyone really quickly tonight!
Thank you again for your love and friendship!
Love,
Ami
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